Scientology’s Rev. John Carmichael To Anonymous: “I Smell Pussy” May 29, 2008

John Carmichael is the President of the Church of Scientology in New York. Like all Scientologists, Carmichael has superpowers and stuff. He doesn’t get colds, he can read minds (”with varying degrees of ability”), he could probably travel back in time if he really wanted to, he’s great with car accidents, and, most importantly: he can whiff out pussy (and closeted gays too, apparently) like it’s nobody else’s business!

“When Rev. John Carmichael, president of the Church of Scientology of New York, came face-to-face with a small contingent of Anonymous protestors this past Monday, he didn’t engage them in a spiritual debate. Instead, he leaned into one member on a Times Square street and said, ‘Let me tell you this: I smell pussy.’ Then, looking squarely at the Anon added, ‘You in particular.” - Village Voice

Before hopping back into his spaceship, Carmichael urged Anon to “come out of the closet!” So eloquent.

I don’t think we need to point out who won this round (one’s asking reasonable questions, the other is using 3rd grade misogynistic & homophobic retorts), but does Mr. Pussy Smeller remind anyone else of Willem Dafoe, the villainous character from various flicks we’ve all seen and loved? When they’re casting the lead for I Smell Pussy: The Movie, I sure hope Dafoe’s name comes up!

If you’d like to peacefully protest against $cientology with those CrazySexyCool (omg, TLC!) Anonymous kids, you can. The next protest is on June 14th. Who knows what your local Scientology leader will smell — be prepared for anything. I smell ass! I smell balls! I smell pussy — you in particular.

ETA: Oh, shit!

+15? The most thumbs up I’ve ever gotten on a YouTube comment was 9. That could’ve been me getting +15 if I’d only been quicker.

Michael Stipe Comes Out Of The Closet Again — This One’s For The Kids! March 17, 2008

Don’t lose any sleep over this ladies, but R.E.M.’s Michael Stipe is… gay. Oh, what’s that you say? You’ve known about this for 20+ years? Yeah, but this time it’s official!

In the new issue of Spin magazine, Stipe says:

“It was super complicated for me in the ’80s. I was totally open with the band and my family and my friends and certainly the people I was sleeping with. I thought it was pretty obvious. “

(Don’t worry, it was.)

Stipe adds:

“I’d just never felt strongly enough about a particular relationship to say, ‘Yeah, he’s my boyfriend, that is what it is.’ Now I recognize that to have public figures be very open about their sexuality helps some kid somewhere out there.”

Indeed it does, though I’m not entirely sure many kids know who Stipe is these days. Are any of the Jonas Brothers gay?

[via Queerty]

Margaret Cho Gets Blunt With The Gays, Ruins Burritos For Me March 7, 2008

Comedian Margaret Cho’s Beautiful Tour kicked off in the states yesterday — and VH1 just ordered seven episodes of her new reality program, “The Cho Show.”

In addition to those delightful bits of Cho news, the bellydancing queer activist just gave her gay pals the real scoop in Out’s ‘Can I Be Blunt?’ feature:

1. There should be a big Fag Hag Shuttle from every gay bar at 1:15 a.m. That’s when the dick clock strikes and girls become invisible. It doesn’t matter if you’re Judy Garland back from the dead.
2. If I’m not paying you, don’t tell me what to do with my hair. A gay friend once talked me into a spiral perm — in 2003!
3. Don’t claim you like shopping, then get pissed and just sit in the “man chair.” Good gay shopping partners text-message while I shop happily.
4. There’s no such thing as too much gay bedroom talk. You’ve given me the best advice on blow jobs.
5. Never say pussy smells like fish, because balls can smell like burritos — and I’d rather have fish than Mexican.

The rest of Cho’s amusing list can be found at @ Out.com

Did Ellen Page Just Out Herself On ‘SNL’? How ‘Bout Andy Samberg? What’s Going On? And Where Am I? March 2, 2008

Juno star (and possible lesbian) Ellen Page may have just outed herself. Last night the 21-year-old Oscar-nominated actress hosted “Saturday Night Live” and during the shows closing bit she poked fun at all of the recent speculation that she’s gay.

Playing Andy Samberg’s girlfriend, Page whined after attending a Melissa Etheridge/Indigo Girls concert, “Why does everything have to have a freaking label? Why can’t I just hug a woman with my legs in friendship?”

The sketch’s ending didn’t necessarily bring the lolz. Instead, it left me with a case of the warm fuzzies. Which brings me to my next question: Would you go gay for Ellen Page? Ju-no what? I probably would. She’s got the cutest little nose, I swear!