Scarlett Johansson And Javier Bardem Victims Of Pervy Woody Allen’s Jealousy? May 22, 2008

A lot of people were wondering why Scarlett Johansson and Javier Bardem did not show up for the Cannes Film Festival premiere of Woody Allen’s “Vicky Cristina Barcelona” last week.

A miserable looking Allen attended the premiere with his daughter wife Soon-Yi. The beautiful Penelope Cruz was there, but her equally beautiful co-stars Johansson and Bardem were nowhere to be found — both of their reps said it was due to scheduling conflicts or some ish like that.

UK’s trashy & unreliable (but wildly addictive!) Daily Mail accused Johansson of having “diva demands.” The Mail’s sources said that the raspy-voiced star demanded her own exclusive make-up consultant (at an outrageous cost of 5,000 Euros a day!) and a hotel 20-25 miles away from the center of Cannes, but the studio refused and she was left at home in New York.

Not so, according to sources for the L.A. Times’ Dish Rag. Johansson announced her engagement to actor Ryan Reynolds on May 5. The next day she showed off her engagement ring at the Costume Institute Gala at the Met. Apparently the studio had no problem paying for Johansson’s personal makeup consultant and hotel until she got engaged to Mr. Muscles.

“Within 24 hours of the announcement of her engagement, the studio reneged on the agreed-on terms for Scarlett’s appearance at Cannes. It was insane. She was backed up against a wall. Finally, she personally made the decision not to go,” the source said.

The Dish Rag’s sources don’t have the dirt on Bardem and I don’t have any sources of my own, but isn’t he romancing Cruz now? Perhaps a bitter Allen got the studio to renege on the agreed-on terms with Bardem as well.

And now some wisdom from Paris Hilton:

Five Reasons Todd Solondz Should Direct The Elisabeth Fritzl Movie May 21, 2008

It has been reported that Elisabeth Fritzl, the woman whose father Josef Fritzl held her captive in a small, soundproofed and windowless cellar for 24 years, will do an exclusive interview next week to reduce media pressure on the family.

Fritzl had been sexually abused, raped, and physically assaulted by her monster of a father since she was 11. At 18 years old, she was lured into the basement by her father. She gave birth to a total of seven children in the cellar, all of which were fathered by her, um, father. In 1996, Fritzl gave birth to twins. One of the babies died after three days and Fritzl’s father cremated it (in a stove, from what I’ve heard).

The Fritzl family are currently staying at the Amstetten Mauer clinic in Austria. The Fritzl’s family lawyer, Dr Christoph Herbst, said on Saturday:

“The fight against the paparazzi surrounding the clinic gets harder and harder. We have had to add another four security guards.

“It is correct that there has even been a fight on the balcony on Friday evening. There was another fight earlier between security guards and a Belgian TV crew that refused to leave after coming inside [the hospital].

“In the Friday incident, a nurse saw the man and called for help. Security guards caught the man before he could take a picture.”

This makes me angry. I don’t want to see photos of the Fritzl family — leave them alone! I want Elisabeth to do her interview, collect her millions, and then disappear to some beautiful island where her family can live in peace.

I do, however, want to see a movie based loosely on the Fritzl case. And I want it to be directed by Todd Solondz — here are five reasons why:

1) It would sure beat a lousy made-for-television flick. If Lifetime buys the rights, I will die a little inside!

2) Rape and pedophilia are Solondz’s forte. It’s hard to imagine one of his films without those two elements. Actually, it’s not hard at all. It would be 90 minutes of complete nothingness.

3) The soundtrack would be off the hook! He’d find the perfect little indie band to set the film’s mood.

4) He already worked with one albino actor, I’m sure he’d have no problem rounding up a few more.

5) He hasn’t done anything since 2004’s Palindromes. Maybe he’s run out of original ideas? Definitely not, he finds directing stressful and gets no pleasure from it…I just needed a fifth reason.

Medium-Sized ‘Sex And The City: The Movie’ Spoiler Video May 20, 2008

It’s not a huge spoiler, but it ain’t tiny either!

Above is a 48-second video clip from Sex and The City: The Movie (ugh, worst movie title ever - Comic Book Guy From The Simpsons). Like I said, it’s a medium-sized spoiler. It’s not going to ruin the movie but if you’re a strict SATC superfan, don’t watch it.

I watched it. Here are my thoughts: Miranda is the shit. Charlotte is still Charlotte. OMG, Carrie is talking with her mouth full in front of Charlotte! Where the hell is my G Samantha?

The movie hits theatres May 30.

I think the most amusing thing I’ve read related to this Sex and The City hoopla so far is Amelie Gillette’s post about Houlihan’s Sex and The City Wednesdays. Depressing stuff, but at least the poster board looks spiffy!

BREAKING: Someone Other Than Jeremy Piven Has A Beef With John Cusack April 23, 2008

John Cusack refers Paul Leydon to the hand.

Australian soap actor Paul Leyden co-wrote the upcoming horror film The Factory. The movie stars the likable John Cusack, who is so popular that he even shares a stalker with Tom Cruise! But is seems Mr. Cusack has a bit of a punctuality problem — one that cost him a fan in Leyden.

“John Cusack was one of my favorite actors until I met him [Ed: oh, snap!],” Paul Leyden tells Sydney’s Daily Telegraph newspaper. “He cost us a lot of money. He was getting paid a lot of cash and he would just be two hours late to set, wouldn’t apologize for keeping everyone waiting in the snow… a real prima donna.”

“Everyone thought he was a really nice guy,” Leydon continues. “And all I can say is that it was a really nice day when he wrapped.”

Well, trashing your film’s star is one way to promote a movie!

[source]

Harmony Korine Was Doing Exactly What We Thought He Was Doing In Paris April 7, 2008

Indie filmmaker Harmony Korine (Gummo, Julien Donkey-Boy) kept his fans waiting for years, but his latest movie Mister Lonely is finally scheduled for a U.S. release on May 2. So what exactly was Korine doing to fill the time when he moved to Paris a few years ago?

The auteur tells the Spring issue of Bomb Magazine:

“I was down on my luck. I lived in a tiny apartment next door to a pimp who was obsessed with [Holocaust survivor] Primo Levi. I couldn’t speak the language and I had no friends.

“I was doing many drugs and my teeth began to fall out … My best friend at the time was an old hag who had been sent to prison for shooting her husband.”

Yep. That sounds about right.

[via Page Six]

‘Chapter 27′ Trailer: The Movie Jared Leto Gained 62lbs For! March 12, 2008

Jared Leto gained 62lbs to play John Lennon’s assassin, Mark David Chapman, in the independent film Chapter 27. I know this because he bragged about it on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” in 2006. Jimmy Kimmel later told Stuff magazine that he could not stand Leto. “He was so insufferably satisfied with himself that I wanted to strangle him,” said Kimmel.

In addition to a bloated and self-satisfied Leto, Chapter 27 features Razzie winner Lindsay Lohan as Jude, a friend of Chapman’s. The film is being released in (a few) theaters this spring.

There Will Be Bud March 7, 2008

And just in case you’re wondering - no, I probably won’t stop posting these parodies until people stop making awesome ones.

Robert Downey Jr. Understands The Importance Of Doing Blackface Right March 6, 2008

In 1993 Ted Danson paid tribute to his then girlfriend Whoopi Goldberg at a Friars Club roast. Danson performed in blackface, used the N-word several times, caused quite the stir, and got called racist by a bunch of people (even though Goldberg had written most of his material and secured the makeup artist who painted his face). Danson is the perfect example of BGW (Blackface Gone Wrong).

In the new film Tropic Thunder, Robert Downey Jr. plays a white man cast to play a black soldier in a satire of the performing profession. “If it’s done right, it could be the type of role you called Peter Sellers to do 35 years ago,” Downey told Entertainment Weekly magazine. “If you don’t do it right, we’re going to hell.”

To keep the character from becoming a caricature (and to prevent another case of BGW), Downey “dove in with both feet.”

“If I didn’t feel it was morally sound,” he said, “or that it would be easily misinterpreted that I’m just C. Thomas Howell in (Soul Man), I would’ve stayed home.”

Tropic Thunder, which is set to be released Aug. 15, also stars Jack Black and Ben Stiller, who co-wrote, directed and produced it.

[Showbuzz]

Eugene Mirman Clip The Only Good Thing To Come Out Of The Oscars? February 27, 2008

[23/6’s red carpet interview with Eugene Mirman at the Oscars — hilarious.]

Did you watch the Oscars on Sunday? I know it’s been a few days, but gosh um golly gee I can’t stop talking about it! There was that one moment when Javier Bardem said something moving in Spanish (I don’t know what, but it sure was moving!) to his mother. And then there was that moment where host Jon Stewart reminded us that a “moment” took place while Bardem was giving his acceptance speech. That was another great Oscar moment. And those sloppy montages made for an excellent drinking game! Every time someone gets snubbed by the Academy, take a shot of Jäger. Brad Renfro excluded from the ‘In Memoriam’ montage? One shot! Whoopi and Steve Martin missing in the host montage? Two shots! Oh man, my friends and I were having a grand ol’ time!

Okay, the awards show was more boring than a trip to the DMV and we all know it. I kept waiting for something to happen, for someone to slip and fall on that grease puddle on stage – anything! Little did I know the show had peaked before it even began.

There Will Be Spoofs February 15, 2008

I realize that my unbridled love for this movie might strike some as annoying, but I don’t care. I’ve seen it twice, plan on seeing it at least a few more times while it’s in theaters, and also plan to purchase every version of the DVD that comes out. And I’m not a DVD person. So do not mock my adoration. Just trust that this is one of the most brilliant movies of all time.

If you’ve seen the movie, the following video will most likely make tears of laughter stream down your face. I’ve made a point to read every single website devoted to this movie and have now moved on to every single youtube spoof - most of which are terrible. But this one, this one is made of win. It drinks all the others’ milkshakes.

Don’t pay much attention to the video though - the true wonderment lies in the audio. The impersonation is spot on. There will be laughter. Believe.