I’m Sorry, But Clay Aiken Weirds Me Out May 29, 2008

Clay Aiken got a woman pregnant. Her name is Jaymes Foster and she has produced several of Aiken’s albums. I’m not finding any clear info on her age, but TMZ is reporting she’s 50 and other sources are saying “late 40s”. She was artificially inseminated.

So to all the crazy Aiken fanatics out there who insist on defending him as a heterosexual (not that it’s anyone’s business), this pregnancy is NOT proof that he actually stuck it in her.

And for the record, he doesn’t weird me out because of his “Is he or isn’t he” status in the celeb gossip world. Honestly, I could care less. He’s just so strangely defensive about himself in every interview I read. Also, I’m sorry, but I hate his voice and voted for Ruben like 20 times. And he needs to get a new stylist.

Scarlett Johansson And Javier Bardem Victims Of Pervy Woody Allen’s Jealousy? May 22, 2008

A lot of people were wondering why Scarlett Johansson and Javier Bardem did not show up for the Cannes Film Festival premiere of Woody Allen’s “Vicky Cristina Barcelona” last week.

A miserable looking Allen attended the premiere with his daughter wife Soon-Yi. The beautiful Penelope Cruz was there, but her equally beautiful co-stars Johansson and Bardem were nowhere to be found — both of their reps said it was due to scheduling conflicts or some ish like that.

UK’s trashy & unreliable (but wildly addictive!) Daily Mail accused Johansson of having “diva demands.” The Mail’s sources said that the raspy-voiced star demanded her own exclusive make-up consultant (at an outrageous cost of 5,000 Euros a day!) and a hotel 20-25 miles away from the center of Cannes, but the studio refused and she was left at home in New York.

Not so, according to sources for the L.A. Times’ Dish Rag. Johansson announced her engagement to actor Ryan Reynolds on May 5. The next day she showed off her engagement ring at the Costume Institute Gala at the Met. Apparently the studio had no problem paying for Johansson’s personal makeup consultant and hotel until she got engaged to Mr. Muscles.

“Within 24 hours of the announcement of her engagement, the studio reneged on the agreed-on terms for Scarlett’s appearance at Cannes. It was insane. She was backed up against a wall. Finally, she personally made the decision not to go,” the source said.

The Dish Rag’s sources don’t have the dirt on Bardem and I don’t have any sources of my own, but isn’t he romancing Cruz now? Perhaps a bitter Allen got the studio to renege on the agreed-on terms with Bardem as well.

And now some wisdom from Paris Hilton:

Mandy Moore And Ryan Adams On A Walk (That May Or May Not Be Worth Remembering) May 14, 2008

A couple of weeks ago I read some In Touch Weekly gossip about alt-country rocker Ryan Adams being “really into” mediocre teen pop star-turned-mediocre actress Mandy Moore. On Monday the two were spotted walking (though, not holding hands) together in Los Angeles (image via Jezebel).

First comes the tabloid gossip, then comes the photographic evidence courtesy of the paparazzi. Needless to say, things are getting pretty serious between Moore and Adams. I’d give them an obnoxious (but cute and totally necessary!) couple name, but I’m too busy trying to figure out what these two attracted opposites talk about together. Besides hair dye. Hmmm…

*     *     *

RYAN: I was doing speedballs everyday and I started talking to myself, man. I was out of control.

MANDY: I know what it’s like to hit rock bottom. Trust me, I know. I sung the song “Candy” and when I was 15, Justin Timberlake told me that I had big feet.

RYAN: Oh man, that must’ve been so difficult for you. How did you overcome all of that?

MANDY: Time. It really does heal all wounds.

RYAN: So you really think my hair looks all right this color? I mean, like, you don’t think those people sitting by us at the deli were whispering about me, do you? Because I thought I heard one of them say “too blond.”

MANDY: I think they were saying “crouton.”

RYAN: But do you remember seeing a salad at their table?

Miley Cyrus Is The Gift That Keeps On Giving April 27, 2008

From the horse’s mouth: “Annie took, like, a beautiful shot, and I thought it was really cool. That’s what she wanted me to do, and you can’t say no to Annie.” She also said of the photo, “I think it’s really artsy. It wasn’t in a skanky way.”

From the horse’s publicist’s brain, fed into mouth: “I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be ‘artistic’ and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed. I never intended for any of this to happen and I apologize to my fans who I care so deeply about.”

It seems only fitting that most of Britney’s former paparazzi stalkers have moved onto this potential goldmine. It would be unfortunate, but homegirl is richer than I’ll ever be, so I really can’t be very sympathetic. Also, I have an unnatural obsession with her song “See you again”. Honestly, that’s the most unfortunate part of all of this. Except for the fact that at only 15 years old, Miss Miley Cyrus (aka Hannah Montana) seems to be the love child of Samara and Gollum. Unfortunate indeed.

Hipsters Force Spoiled Kate Hudson To Stand On Her Own Two Feet February 8, 2008

From this morning’s Gatecrasher:

Coming in around 1 a.m., Kate Hudson’s brusque friend ordered that sofas at Temperley London’s Fashion Week after-party be cleared so the actress could sit down. Attendant hipsters politely ignored the demand, so Miss Hudson was forced to sip her Moet standing up.

Don’t you just love it when celebrities forget that they’re not in Los Angeles?