I recently gave up Oprahism after my mother, my older brother, several of my friends, and Nan Talese kept pointing out Oprah Winfrey’s self-important sanctimonious bullshit. It was like the world would not sleep until I stopped worshiping Oprah — I just couldn’t take it anymore!
“Okay, okay! I’m done,” I said. “I don’t like how she constantly interrupts the people she’s interviewing to take about herself either. I don’t like how Hollywood she’s become. I don’t think she needs a YouTube channel. I don’t like her magazine. And I hate how she never replied to that fan letter I sent her 10 years ago!”
And then it happened. Exactly one month after giving up Oprahism, I heard the news: Oprah was going vegan for 21 days.
“How can you say you’re trying to spiritually evolve, without even a thought about what happens to the animals whose lives are sacrificed in the name of gluttony?” she wrote.
Oprah said she’s not sure how going vegan will change her life, but is up for the challenge.
“Don’t know if I’m going to feel better or worse, but I’m willing to try to see if my body at least feels differently,” Oprah blogged.
By day two of Oprah’s new vegan life, she was extolling its virtues to her legions of fans.
“Wow, wow, wow! I never imagined meatless meals could be so satisfying,” she wrote.
Satisfying meatless meals, now that’s what I’m talking about! And if Oprah stays vegan, the possibilities are awesome. Vegan fast food restaurants will be replacing McDonald’s’ left & right.
My dream of walking into a greasy & inexpensive burger joint and saying “I’ll have a tempeh burger with fries. And for dessert, I’d like a Tofutti banana split please” may very well become a reality now.
You’re back on my good side — don’t blow it, Oprah!
